GOBBLE GOBBLE!!

One Thanksgiving, Dai was staying in New York and had two Thanksgiving dinners - one with my family and one with Carolyn's. Mine was better, but that's not the point. When we were leaving Carolyn's house, she yelled, "Happy Thanksgiving! CLUCK CLUCK!!" That is the story of why I am best friends with Carolyn Shin.

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Jessica Simpson pregnant?

I don't know if I believe this, but as a huge fan of train wrecks and broken homes, I hope it is.

[National Ledger]
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Television

Winners and losers.
[Entertainment Weekly]

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Brad and Angelina out

Anticlimactic, but still news I guess.

[National Ledger]

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Paris Hilton to make rap album because violins are gay

I'm speechless.

"For those of you who do not know, the sexy socialite has musical talent; she is a classically trained violinist. However, Paris told Blender magazine: 'I'm not going to be onstage playing the violin. That would be gay.'"

Paris Hilton Rap Album [Post Chronicle]
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Today's gossip

Angelina Jolie likes to get freaky. Who knew?
[National Ledger]
What’s Jennifer Aniston’s big secret?
[National Ledger]
Justin Timberlake states the obvious.
[National Ledger]

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Britney & Kevin in couples counseling...on the DANCE FLOOR!

Looks like Britney Spears likes to settle all of her romantic disputes at the club. Remember when she and Justin had the dance off after he dumped her? Well, seems like Britney and Kevin Federline decided to come to New York to reconnect with the foundation of their relationship - getting wasted. If you're worried that they were doing this at the expense of baby Sean Preston, fear not! He came too. Cute.

Britney & Kevin heart NY [Page Six]

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Jennifer Garner is effing HUGE!!

How bad does this make you not want to have a baby ever? Check out the footwear. Nice!

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Celebrity Sightings

My friend Jenny is on vacation in Hawaii and this morning she saw Isaiah Thomas eating breakfast and Mischa Barton wandering the hotel with some dark-haired guy. I tried pressing her for more details, but she didn't recognize Mischa's guy friend. I told her I'd send her a picture of Brandon Davis as a reference. I'll let you know what she says.

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Either way, you should ask for a refund

On Friday while on my way home from seeing the worst movie ever, I saw a bum wearing a blue Harvard sweatshirt, not very aggressively begging for change on the N Q R W platform. I don't know if he got this sweatshirt from Goodwill or from his Class of 1972 senior dues, but it made me feel a little bit better about myself.

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Kevin Federline: Science success story

I'm not sure if I agree with the unnamed fellow psychic and Britney Spears advisor who told Britney that she will have another baby next year. Although it is well documented that Kevin Federline's sperm are actually top secret, NASA-developed, egg-seeking missiles with the world's best celebrity and pseudo-celebrity impregnating capabilities; I just don't think Britney is going to sit by much longer and let him spend her money on cornrows and Newports.

Is Kevin Federline impregnating you right now? [Teen Today]
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You saw it coming

You didn't need psychic abilities like me to anticipate Stacy (Fergie) Ferguson going out on her own after providing the Black Eyed Peas with some eye candy for a couple of years. Apparently she has signed a solo album deal. I'm sure she plans to continue whoring singing with the Peas for now, but her days are numbered. It's really hard to figure out who was using who more in this whole BEP-Fergie relationship.

You'll also be seeing the whore singer and actress whoring appearing in a Sopranos episode as a pole dancer.

Fergie: Coming to a cheap strip club near you, New Jersey! [Miami Herald]

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Divorce and Christmas just don't go together

This is all I have to say about Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey denying they're getting a divorce: They love to make money. Jessica's dad loves to make money. They agreed a while back to do a Christamas special on ABC. It would be hard to do a family Christmas spectacular with a couple going through a divorce. Clairvoyance kind of runs in my family and I predicted many months ago that Nick and Jessica would file for divorce around Valentine's Day. I did not forsee the divorce speculation getting this out of control, and it appears they are no longer doing the Christmas special, but I stand by my prediction.

I predict Jessica will get dumped by her publicist [Post Chronicle]
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Not so much

Maybe I was wrong about Christina looking great. But Napa is lovely!

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Jolie & Pitt: Not quite ready for primetime?

I'm not sure what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's intentions are with keeping hush about their relationship. If their goal is to keep it private, it's obviously had the opposite effect. In Hollywood, secrets lead to speculation, which leads to more attention from the press, which leads to more paparazzi following your every move. Both Brad and Angelina know the formula. Like I said before, you need 3 cups of chopped mystery to make obsession casserole. So I have to wonder if they are seeking all this press attention. When will they officially go public? There are rumors they're engaged or seriosuly discussing marriage and (more) kids. What's the big deal in showing up to a public event together? Jennifer Aniston's pain and embarrassment have been duly noted. They've already thrown it in her face, so I don't want to hear any bullshit stories about Brad being respectful of Aniston's feelings. It's possible they are on the verge of coming out, but I'm not holding my breath.

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Dirty girls need love too!

By now we all know that Christina Aguilera was married yesterday in Napa. Like you, I was eager to see some pics. I'm sure she looked great and Napa is gorgeous! But according to some reports , we may never see or hear anything about her special day because all guests had to sign a document promising not to disclose anything about the wedding. Seriously folks, nothing:
"Banned subjects included the cake, the rings, entertainment, speeches, food, the venue and other guests. As for the dress, nothing about the train, cut, [color], designer or material can be revealed."

I wonder if this means they plan to sell their own pictures to a magazine? Or maybe they just really, really value their privacy. Who knows.

[Daliy Mail - UK]
[People]
[E! Online]
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Jake Gyllenhaal: Dating beneath himself since 2002

I wish Kirsten Dunst would please give me some of the voodoo magic she uses on Jake Gyllenhaal. I've stopped counting the number of times they've broken up. I almost even stopped caring. But come on Jake! You made out with Heath motherfuckin' Ledger! You're officially out of her league. Starting acting like it.

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