This weekend in Britney: BLIZZARD EDITION

You might be thinking, "Good God, it's Saturday night! Do you seriously have nothing better to do than update your blog?!" Yes! The answer is yes! There's a snowstorm outside, and I decided to heed city officials' warnings and stay indoors. When it just began snowing, I went to the supermarket and it was total chaos. There was almost no water left and the lines were insane. You'd think Park Slope was on the verge of a nuclear holocaust. I bought enough hot pockets and frozen pizzas to survive a few days, so don't worry about me.

Anyway, I figure it's time for a Britney Spears update, because it's pretty much always time for a Britney Spears update.

Earlier this week, Britney admitted having her baby in her lap while driving on a highway was a mistake. Meanwhile, Shar Jackson publicly questioned Britney's judgment and parenting capabilities. You have to wonder if Shar Jackson is in a position to question anyone's judgment or parenting abilities... she had two children out of wedlock with a pot-smoking, womanizing backup dancer.

Britney and Kevin made an appearance at Kanye West's pre-Grammy party and got into big, fat fight. Britney wound up leaving with her bodyguard, but Kevin decided to stay.

Not satisfied that she's had quite enough bad PR for February, she set her bodyguards on the paparazzi who camp out at the Starbucks near her Malibu house. I doubt Britney herself conceived the bodyguard-paparazzi offensive as it involved an elaborate car switching maneuver. It also involved some side swiping, which got the police involved. TMZ even has video!

And that is this weekend in Britney Spears.

{Click here for more}

Celebrity sighting

From Max Power, who definitely leaves Brooklyn on a regular basis:

While in MANHATTAN, Max Power spotted the former Mrs. Al Bundy, Katey Sagal, exiting the Ritz Carlton and getting into a Town Car yesterday afternoon. Ms. Sagal was wearing a fair bit of makeup (maybe she is in a play, maybe she had a TV appearance Max does not know all, unfortunately) and Max's accomplice felt that "she has had some work done."

At least she was not wearing leopard tights and stilettos.

{Click here for more}

Fake gunshots at Fashion Week

From the NY Daily News:

The joint was jumping - literally - at the Child magazine fashion show.
As Kimora Lee Simmons' daughter stepped onto the runway, balloons exploded, releasing glitter everywhere. But with 50 Cent in the audience, and nerves frayed after the recent fatal rap shooting, to some the bursting balloons sounded uncomfortably like gunfire.

"Lindsay Lohan grabbed the girl next to her out of fright," laughs a source. "Fifty just rolled his eyes, like he gets this s- all the time."

I hear smoking too much crack can make you sort of jumpy.
[Gatecrasher]

{Click here for more}

Live-blogging the Grammy Awards

For as long as I can stand it. I'm getting kind of a late start, but thank God for DVR, right?!

Gorillaz & Madonna was pretty fucking cool. How did she walk behind the cartoon thing? Crazy. Make fun of me if you want, but I'm fascinated by dumb shit like that. Madonna has some serious muscles in her legs and whatever work she's had done is totally tasteful. I have to wonder if this is her leotard phase. Will she be wearing a leotard in every performance, video, and promotional photo she does for the whole friggin album? Whatever. If my legs looked like her's, I'd wear a bikini to the supermarket. I'd also probably be a stripper because they make a lot more money than I ever have.

Alicia Keys looks good, but I don't understand what is going on with her side pony. And am I the only one disturbed by the awkward flirtation between her and Stevie Wonder. Ha! Stevie, we get it. When you say she looks wonderful, you actually have no idea because you're blind! The a cappella number they did was hot though. When was the last time you heard someone singing live on tv?

Best Female Pop Vocals goes to Kelly Clarkson. They did Stevie's envelope in braille, which I did not get until he announced the winner and I was like, how the fuck does he know? Then I saw him rubbing the piece of paper. DER!

Anyway... Kelly started crying and didn't stay on stage that long. She seemed totally touched and overwhelmed and was way super cute.

Whatever. I like Coldplay ok, but Chris Martin is fucking annoying.

UPDATE: John Legend fucking rocks my world, but I'm not going to lie - Ordinary People is getting on my last nerve and I don't fully understand why he's R & B's new golden child. He's great and all but... maybe I'm just a hater. Also, he's one of those people I'm convinced I can become friends with because he's only one year older than me, we're both black, and we both went to Ivy's. I feel like I should be able to run into him at a party and totally hang out with him. Never happens though. Sigh.

UPDATE: Ok, now there's some country group on. Don't tell anyone, but I secretly like some country music. Not this crap though. They seem to be having some technical issues. There is some very distracting feedback and I can hear someone saying something about a mic. Bummer. They announce the winner of some country shit. Who the fuck cares? I have to pee (caffeine-free diet pepsi is the best!).

UPDATE: I have another secret to reveal. I don't see the big fucking deal about U2. I don't see it now. I didn't see it in high school. I had this friend in high school who was completely obsessed with Bono. From what I understood, her only goal in life was to meet Bono, have him autograph her leg, and then tattoo the autograph along with a portrait of him. She was a weird girl. Anyway, I think it's cool that he gives a shit about poor people and the Third World. Somebody needs to. But that Vertigo shit is fucking not that good. Totally annoying. And Bono really, really should lose the pink sunglasses.

Ok, Mary J. Bleige is here to save the day. Why is she totally feeling the Frida Kahlo, braid around the head look lately? Not even Mary can save this fucking U2 boat from sinking. If it will save a kid in Africa from dying of A.I.D.S., I'll watch this shit. Not for any other reason though. Fucking waste of air time.


Much, much more after the jump, further confirming that I have no life.

UPDATE: David Bowie wins a Lifetime Achievement Award. No one seems to care.

Best Rap Album of the Year goes to... Kanye West. His only real competition was Common and Kanye is more commercial, so I guess he was no competition after all. Kanye is humble, as usual. Someone needs to give his ego a colonic. It's all clogged up with some serious shit. He is inexplicably wearing leather driving gloves and has his bright red shirt all the way open (Liberace style!). He humbly acknowledges he knew he was going to win all along. Class act, that guy. He better be lucky I love Gold Digger and I hate George Bush.



UPDATE: Ben Roethlisberger (Superbowl champs Pittsburgh Steelers' quarterback) introduces Kelly Clarkson. They show some AI footage from 2001 whith Kelly looking very un-Hollywood. They should bury that tape. Not a good look. (High pig tails, no make-up, natural brown color.) I love Kelly though. She looks great in a big, red dress. Um, I take it back, the dress is kind of ugly, but she's super cute. I wish she'd have sung Since You've Been Gone like she did at the MTV Awards. Highlight of my summer!


Dudes. I'm tired. Taking a break.

UPDATE: Paul McCartney does some stuff. He still totally rocks, and unlike the Rolling Stones, he totally recognizes that he's old and can't go around wearing hot pants at the Superbowl.

UPDATE: BEP & Jennifer Love Hewitt present something. First of all, I'm looking at Fergie and JLH on the same stage at the same time and I think my sight is still in tact. That's good. Will-I-Am from BEP was super classy and complimented himself on the nobody-gives-a-shit Grammy BEP won that they don't even present on the show.

John Legend wins whatever award this is. Call me John! My brother went to Penn. We should be friends!

UPDATE: Mariah Carey performs We Belong Together and she is covered up. I can't believe it. Mind you, she isn't covered up in a nice dress or anything, but she is not flashing any booty cheek and you can only see a tiny bit of bobbie. Baby steps. I think she's going into some kind of gospel thing now? There's an organ and a chior..,. Her microphone is bedazzled. If I could, I would bedazzle everything I own. I'm serious. CZ and rhinestone manufacturers should pray I win the lottery.

Oh, I get it, she's covered up because she's kind of in church (this is the closest I've been to church since I went with my great-grandparents last year to the North Miami Shores United Methodist Church - Lord, forgive my back-sliding ways!).


UPDATE: Best pop vocal album goes to Kelly Clarkson. She rocks my world too. I can't decide if I like her black dress with the 50 pounds of feathers on the bottom. Hmm...

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? Is that actaully a commercial for a news report on being addicted to lip balm?

Jenna Elfman has no right to be at the Grammys. Some guy name Owen Brady got the Trustees' Award.

Ok, more country - Faith Hill and soon-to-be Mr. Nicole Kidman himself, Keith Urban. I find him unattractive in the same way I find Tom Cruise unattractive (which makes sense I guess) - I think he's objectively good-looking, but his face kind of creeps me out and I can't look at it too long. Oh, and I don't like his hair.

UPDATE: Best Rap/Sung Collaboration goes to Jay-Z and Linkin Park for Numb/Encore. Sean Carter looks sharp as ususal. Not super flashy like P. Diddy. And he also lets Linkin Park do all the talking. He must be serious about this retiring from being a rapper and stepping out of the limelight thing. Oh well. The Black Album wasn't all that great anyway.

UPDATE: UMMMMMMMMMMM.... it's Dave Chappelle. Where did this come from? And he is wearing a suit. He's being kind of funny. He's introducing someone who's making a comeback. Who is it??????? Sly Stone? WTF? So not exciting. I'm out.

UPDATE: Look, I know The Blues is like rock and roll history and shit, but I just don't give a flying fuck. Some blues guy is getting some posthumous (I'm guessing), fake award. I'm sure his decomposed body is thrilled.

Ok, Jay-Z and Linkin Park perform. I'm sort of excited about this. Too bad it wound up sucking. Oh wait, Paul McCartney came out in the middle of the performance (they're singing Yesterday, if you can believe it). Wait, no, it still sucks. Bummer.

UPDATE: Bruce Springstein. Blah, blah. Jersey sucks. Wait, I think at the end of his song he said, "bring 'em home!" I assume he was referring to the troops. I'm with you, man.

Song of the year presented by Destiny's Child goes to some U2 song, but they play Mariah Carey by accident. Oops! Is that kind of like when U Mich sent out acceptance letters to a bunch of people who didn't get in, but since they sent them the letter, they had to let them in? Does Mariah get a Grammy too? Take off that dumb-ass cowboy hat, Bono!

UPDATE: Um, ok. So it's Jamie Foxx and a mini marching band and Kanye with another mini marching band. Guess what they're going to perform... you got it. Gold digger. Not flamboyant at all! That shit is entertaining though. I love black people. I also love marhcing bands. I was a band geek in middle school and high school. Snare drum. Super cool. Anyway, best performance of the night so far! Blows Madonna & Gorillaz out of the water. Haha! Their t-shirts say Broke Phi Broke.



UPDATE: Sheryl Crow and Sting present.... I think record of the year? Green Day wins for Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I think I've told you how I feel about Greenday now that they don't sing about being an angry teenager.

Ok, it's almost 11 and I have other things to do. I'll leave the Grammys on in the background and update is something awesome happens. I'll also add a couple of pictures later tonight or tomorrow.

{Click here for more}

Blog War I: Perez vs. Gawker

It's like Jay-Z vs. R. Kelly for bloggers, except way more sad and pathetic. The whole thing is a retarded mess, but I'll sum it up for you:

Perez Hilton is a very famous celebrity gossip blogger. You may have noticed I have a link to his page, and I sometimes post stuff from his blog. He's also got an enormous head (the figurative interpretation being more important here) and is kind of a sell out. Lots of PR people and celebrities read his blog an kiss his ass so he won't talk shit about them. He gets invited to Hollywood parties and gets to meet famous people. He is a shameless self-promoter and is definitely biased in favor of celebs who pretend to be friends with him.

All that said, he's got (I believe) the biggest celebrity blog readership and he gets really good exclusives. He also gets into it with PR people and lawyers who rep celebs on a regular basis, because, well he's a blogger and the truth is unessential in our world.

Gawker is a media blog that sees itself as being a different class of blogger. To be fair, it pretty much is, but yesterday it posted this email exchange between Perez and some PR guy, which I assume is supposed too illustrate that Perez is dumb, unscrupulous, and not very good with grammar. It was pretty funny. Today Perez retaliated with this. This is how beef gets started. This is why there are shoot outs at rap videos. This is why Biggie is dead. Let's learn from history.

P.S. I think it's important to read the comments. It's like a playground war!

{Click here for more}

Who the hell is this?

A hair brush weave and a little soap does wonders for the Federline fam.

{Click here for more}

Celebrity sighting

From Max Power (who apparently never leaves Brooklyn):

Rob Cordry, of Daily Show fame, and his wife, strolling along Atlantic Ave in Cobble Hill (they were on the south side of the side – so p*ss of Brooklyn Heights!) on an unseasonably warm Friday night in February. Max Power was able to avoid the embarrassment caused by their previous encounter, when he lost control of his internal monologue and said aloud “Rob Cordry” (as if Mr. Cordry needed reminding as to the pronunciation of him name), and continue walking by Mr. Cordry, without incident.

{Click here for more}

Face transplant

Remember that lady who had a face transplant after her dog mauled her face off? Well that's her new face. Weird. So weird. Check out a quote from People:

"When I woke up, I tried to light a cigarette, and I didn't understand why I couldn't hold it between my lips," she said. "I looked at myself in the mirror, and there, horrified, I couldn't believe what I saw – especially because it didn't hurt. Ever since this day, my life has changed."

WTF?
[People]

{Click here for more}

Driving in cars with babies in the front seat

So these pictures of Britney Spears in the driver's seat of her car with Sean Preston in her lap have been circulating apparently. This is obviously not a very good idea because babies can't help you drive, so it's not surprising that this would start some controversy. Surprisingly, Britney issued a statement defending her actions and blaming the incident on persistent paparazzi (redundant?).

"Today I had a horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi while I was with my baby. Because of a recent incident when I was trapped in my car without my baby by a throng of paparazzi, I was terrified that this time the physically aggressive paparazzi would put both me and my baby in danger. I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm's way, but the paparazzi continued to stalk us, and took photos of us which were sold to the media. I love my child and would do anything to protect him."

What? Her instincts told her to drive with her baby in her lap while photographers were chasing them? Further explanation from People:

A source close to Spears explains that the singer drove to Starbucks with her bodyguard in the passenger seat and son Sean in his car seat in the back. When the bodyguard went into the store to get the drinks, Spears took Sean out of his car seat and held him in her lap while she waited. Photographers approached the car, says the source, and became aggressive. Once her bodyguard climbed back into the car, Spears drove away while still holding her son.

Britney Spears is an idiot with very limited common sense who loves her baby very much.
[People]
{Source}
One more pic after the jump.

UPDATE: I'm sorry.

UPDATE: The LA County Department of Children & Family Services is investigating Sean Preston's little joy ride.

Great parenting!

{Click here for more}

Blog vacation

Hello my attractive and intelligent readers. Sadly, I have an unusual amount of work to get done over the next couple of days. Even sadder, this will cut into my blogging time. I'll still be posting, but probably just a couple each day and mostly at night. I should be back to normal by Wednesday.

Yeah, I know it sucks. It sucks for me too. I'd much rather spend my time entertaining you with celebrity news than accomplishing anything worthwhile or productive, but sometimes I just don't have a choice. You can email sympathy cards to damali.campbell@gmail.com.

{Click here for more}