40 oz Friday night

Um, so it's Friday night, I live in New York City and I'm 26 years old. So of course I am spending these most precious moments of my youth sitting in my living room watching preseason football, eating a burrito and drinking beer. I decided that tonight I would try to finish off an entire 40 oz OE by myself. Then I thought it would be fun to live blog this experience, but by the time I had this idea I had already finished my burrito and now the game is almost over. So I'll have to backtrack a little, but I think it'll be pretty accurate:

6:30 pm - Left work with the worst tension headache I've had in many months. Read People on the train, but was distracted by a mom yelling at her kids to "shut the fuck up" somewhere around Bergen Street.

7:15 pm - Got home and passed out

9:00 pm - Woke up and got a burrito. I just need 8 more to get a free one!

9:10 pm - Bought a 40 from the kind of shady store on 5th ave & 7th Street. I felt kind of weird buying just one 40, because it all of a sudden became really obvious that I was about to go home and drink 40 ounces of malt liquor by myself on a summertime Friday night. I got over it.

9:30 pm - Just finished inhaling my burrito. Delicious!

10:00 pm - Start watching Giants vs. Jets preseason game. Always the dubest game of the year, even for pre-season. I can't undeerstand why the NFL can't get over it. No one cares about the Jets playing the Giants, especially in the preseason.

10:43 pm - I've had about 5 ounces of OE and I'm already feeling kind of light-headed.

10:44 pm - The Jets score a touchdown. Not even one cheer is audible in Giants stadium

10:52 pm - I've had maybe 8 ounces of OE and I am definietly a little bit drunk. Also, it's getting kind of warm and gross. I need to start chugging pretty soon.

10:57 pm -Seriously, who the fuck are these motherfuckers on the field right now? I've never heard of any of them. It's like arena football.

11:03 pm - This game is over, I flipped over to Court TV. I looooove court TV late at night. There is always something good on! Who doesn't want to watch Forensic Files?

11:04 pm - Fuck! I still have so much OE to drink!

11:13 pm - After a few large gupls of warm malt liquor, I'm about 1/3 of the way through the bottle. I feel kind of bloated and I'm getiing pretty drunk. I'm also getting pretty sleepy. I'm surprised I have not had to pee yet. Also, this stuff tastes like feet. Shit. That Brinks Home Security commercial was pretty fucking scary. I wonder if I locked my door...

11:22 pm - Did I mention I told my mom I'd help her move tomorrow at like 9 in the morning? Who the fuck do I think I am? I haven't gotten up before 11am on a Saturday in like a decade!

11:34 om - So I'm sitting in my living room drinking room temperature OE. I've had about 22-24 ounces. I feel less bloated than I thought I would feel and less drunk than I hoped. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this shit up. Maybe I should finish reading People.

12:05 am - Ok, I've had about 32 ounces of mostly warm OE malt liquor. I can't tell how drunk I am, but I'm pretty drunk. This experiment is over and I think it's safe to call it a success. I need to pee in a bad way.

12:11 am - I fucking have to pee again

12:19 am - This is what happens after you break the seal. I'm out.

8:45 am - I do NOT feel good. Luckily my mom just called and told me to come over later because it's raining.

{Click here for more}