From K-Fed Rap Star

I'm going to figure out how to get a feed or something for K-Fed Rap Star put on this page. I'm not good at this technical blog stuff.
"I'm K-Fed. I don't want to be known as Mr. Britney Spears" from [K-Fed Rap Star].

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Da Brat and David Gest?

Um...

[Dlisted]

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Blind Item

Which spurned starlet hired a private investigator to tail her philandering boyfriend all around Hollywood after their painful breakup?

[Page Six]

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Heath Ledger, Michelle WIlliams & baby Matilda at the airport

Super cute.

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Am I taking this too far?

If I am, I'm sorry, but Kevin Federline is the light of my life. I might start another blog dedicated to my love for him. Anyway, some people spend much more time than I do making fun of K-Fed. Seriously.

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Links

Jessica Simpson does the walk of shame.
[Popsugar]

MSNBC justifies your hatred for Kevin Federline
[MSNBC]

Lindsay Lohan better effing watch her back!
[Post Chronicle]

Paris Hilton got a record deal, but Kevin Federline still doesn't have one.
[Digital Spy]

Lindsay Lohan should have talked to Angelina Jolie about getting tattoos that say dumb things.
[Fashion Monitor]

I honestly feel bad for Janet Jackson, but she needs to get her act together. What's with the sweatpants at a restaurant?
[ONTD]

Mocking Kevin Federline is pretty much the only thing I look forward to in the morning.
[AOL Music]

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Flavor of Love review

Although promises are a comfort to a fool, I feel bad about never posting a review. I kind of wrote one, but it was way to long and only sometimes interesting. But I guarantee you will enjoy the summary provided on Dlisted. The screen captures are worth 1,000 words, especially Sweetie's ginormous tatas.

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Someone needs to save Michael Jackson

If I could, I would help all the celebrities in need of a swift kick in the ass. But I'd say Michael Jackson is a priority case, because he has clearly fallen the farthest. So he's been living avoiding reality in Dubai, a place where really rich people can buy their own man-made island. Please note he is the only one not wearing western clothes. Please also note you can still see the crazy through his burka. If you look really closely you can see his kid asking for someone to kidnap him and give him a more normal life.

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Lindsay Lohan gets a tattoo

Maybe this is old news? I'm borderline senile, so forgive me if it is.

Lindsay Lohan recently got a tattoo on her wrist that reads "Breathe." You might be thinking, "How dumb is she? Can't she remember to do that on her own? Does she have to literally tattoo a reminder on herself?" Well, no, you're the stupid one, turns out. A friend of Lohan points out, "It obviously has a double meaning." How dumb do you feel now? "It's about the asthma attack, but also a reminder to just slow down and enjoy life." The great thing about life is you learn something new every day.

[Fashion Monitor]

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Kanye West Rolling Stone Cover

The Gawker item is more evidence that they should never, ever be allowed to blog about race, but they do reveal that in the Rolling Stone article, West says he's dating a "young MTV staffer." How much more do you hate your job now?

[Gawker]

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America's 50 most loathsome people

The Buffalo Beast released its America's 50 Most Loathsome People yesterday. Here is some of what you'll see:

45. Robert Novak

Charges: The absence of charges, for one. While the Valerie Plame leak scandal has taken down one prominent reporter and tarnished the reputation of several others, Novak—the one who actually printed the leak—remains inexplicably unscathed, unless you count the profane bout of crankiness that got his satanic ass bounced to Fox News, where, after all, he really belongs. Either Novak has secretly revealed his sources, damaging his already dubious journalistic credibility, or he is simply so well-ensconced in the Washington power structure that he can’t be removed, like a metastasized tumor.

Exhibit A: The sheer, dreadful, angler-fish ugliness of the man, which can only be explained by the gradual accumulation of several lifetime’s worth of misanthropy, or possibly possession by demonic entity.

Sentence: Finds himself chained to a desk with James Carville; figures out he’s in hell only after several weeks pass without winning a single argument.

41. Charles Krauthammer

Charges: Considered an intellectual authority among neocons, Krauthammer, like his colleagues George Will and Tony Blankley, really only presents a passable facsimile of gravitas, substituting vocabulary for intelligence, mischaracterization for argument, and intolerable haughtiness for authority. The fact that this wanton fascist’s opinions are not only considered fit for mainstream consumption, but among the cream of the conservative crop, is a maddening indictment of both the media and conservative movement.

Exhibit A: Posed a hypothetical scenario involving 9/11 ‘architect’ Kalid Sheikh Mohammed to advocate legalizing torture, when the actual Kalid Sheikh Mohammed was actually tortured without any such legislation.

Sentence: Lockheed-designed bionic exoskeleton he receives from Dick Cheney in exchange for opposing stem cell research goes berserk, ignoring Krauthammer’s excited protestations as it uses its powerful titanium arms to pulverize his loved ones and donate his life savings to Hamas.

40. Tom Cruise

Charges: Criminal narcissism. After mega-lawyer Bert Fields threatened to sue The BEAST over Cruise’s inclusion in last year’s Loathsome List, we responded by giving him the editorial finger, and bracing ourselves for the legal spanking of our lives. Instead, the episode seemed to trigger a cascading ego crisis, culminating in a rapid and irrecoverable image downgrade from exalted idol to ridiculous buffoon. From his laughable claim of psychological expertise to his worst acting performance ever—as a man in love—Cruise simply cracked up on camera in 2005, and a public hitherto willing to overlook his obsessively inauthentic personality and comical religious affiliation had finally had enough. Cruise is a perfect example of a person who is simultaneously in love with and completely unfamiliar with himself, living in perpetual fear of self-actualization, and asserting a legal right to live free of criticism. A guy who can do whatever the hell he wants, yet chooses to devote his life to maintaining the public perception that he is somebody else.

Exhibit A: “I care man, I care. I care about you. I care about your children. I care about these people here in this room. Every one of you. And I...I mean it. That is not just some words to me. That is a promise.” Seriously, can’t even act like a human being.

Sentence: A lifetime of forced, joyless sex with famously beautiful women, only to have his colossal gay porn library posthumously bequeathed to the Smithsonian by bitter, unloved offspring.

More after the jump.


33. Johnny Damon

Charges: Any baseball player with highlights in his hair should be faced with the same penalty system applied to those using performance-enhancing steroids. It’s ruining the game. And if a ball player is going to grow a beard, it should be a Charlie Manson/Thurman Munson scraggle of bushy whiskers, not a neatly manicured and softly conditioned frame for your pretty face. The only thing that got Damon to step into line and quit hair-farming was a 52 million dollar check from the New York Yankees. Boston prayed for the multi-bladed Gillette that officially made him a Yankee to slip while gliding over his Adam’s apple and spill his lifeblood into the bathroom sink.

Exhibit A: Going from the Red Sox to the Yankees is like fucking the guy that murdered your husband.

Sentence: Killed by barrage of hurled D cell batteries when he takes the field at Fenway next season.

29. Terri Schiavo

Charges: Sacrificed her grey matter to vanity, only to become the focus of a manufactured media blitz involving the character assassination of her husband, the selective coverage of fifty protestors by 200 reporters, and a disgusting demonstration of congressional overreaching, all in deference to a frightening fringe culture’s farcical take on ethics. If you can’t tell a brain-dead oxygen-waster from a fetus, you’ve got no place debating policy or exploiting a devastated family to further your idiotic agenda or political career.

Exhibit A: As confirmed by a conspicuously underreported autopsy, Schiavo feels the same about her current situation as she did a year ago.

Sentence: To have the circumstances of her death become a bizarre political freakshow; to be worshipped as a religious idol by weak-minded weirdoes who never knew her, stripping her and her family of all dignity as she lies, powerless to stop it, in a hospital bed. Oh, right. Never mind.

27. Ann Coulter

Charges: The fact that Coulter is considered desirable by Republicans belies their sick and masochistic nature. We saw Coulter in person this year, and she is a revolting skeleton with a boob job and a grotesquely oversized head, who feeds only on the hatred of her target audience, liberals. Only redeeming quality is that she is impossible to take seriously--really more of a shock comic than a political commentator, whether she knows it or not.

Exhibit A: “I’m getting a little fed up with hearing about, oh, civilian casualties.”

Sentence: Confined to Mississippi, forever banned from interacting with the lefty intellectuals she lives to antagonize.

15. Karl Rove

Charges: A greasy pig whose only distinction in life is his total lack of decency. Rove is decidedly not a genius; he is simply missing the part of his soul that prevents the rest of us from kicking elderly women in the face. His admirers have elevated fanatical, amoral ambition to the status of a virtue, along with lying, cheating, and negligent homicide, all in the name of “values.” Quite possibly the worst person in the worst White House in American history.

Exhibit A: “As people do better, they start voting like Republicans - unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good thing.”

Sentence: Lowered head first into oil refinery smokestack.

4. You

Charges: Silently enabling and contributing to the irreversible destruction of your planet. Absolving yourself of your responsibility to do anything about it that your immediate neighbors don’t. Assuming that it’s normal behavior to spend several hours each day totally inert and staring into a cathode ray tube. Substituting antidepressants for physical motion. Caring more about the personal relationships of people you will never meet than your own. Shrugging your shoulders at the knowledge that your government is populated by criminal liars intent on fooling you into impoverished, helpless submission. Cheering this process on.

Exhibit A: You don’t even know who your congressman is.

Sentence: Deathbed realization that your entire life was an unending series of stupid mistakes and wasted opportunities, a priceless gift of potential extravagantly squandered, for which you deserve nothing but scorn or, at best, indifference, and a cold, meaningless demise.

This stuff is hilarious, although I have no idea who some of the people on the list are, thus reinforcing the charges against me in #4 Most Loathsome.

[America's 50 Most Loathsome People]

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WB & UPN combining to make...

I mean, what do you think will happen when UPN and the WB are combined? Will there be black people on Gilmore Girls? Will Veronica Mars launch a murder investigation on Chad Michael Murray? Will Tyra Banks marry one of those kids on 7th Heaven? Will the earth implode? Scary.

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Celebrity sighting

This just in from Celebrity Stalker Max Power (actually he sent it to me on Friday and I've just been too lazy to post it):

Max Power scored an invite to a party hosted in the “Stable” at Frankies 457 in Carroll Gardens last night where the guest DJ was Chris Robinson, lead singer of the Black Crowes. Chris, looking as earthy and high as ever, was sans Kate Hudson, but brother and guitar player Rich Robinson was on hand, sipping Stellas throughout the night. Chris and a friend spun “psychedelic folk” throughout the night, while the audience drank, smoked and generally enjoyed the laid back vibe, the open fire outside and the heady tunes.

Chris has been spotted at Frankies with Kate on numerous occasions since the Italian eatery opened last year. Frankies comes highly recommended for brunch and dinner from Max Power himself...great wine selection as well.

Thanks for the sighting and the restaurant review.

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Star Jones finally finds her soul mates

I'm not saying you're going to like what you see here

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When will it end, Britney?

Britney: Hey Bryan, what are you up to today?
Bryan: You know I'm never up to shit. I'm Britney Spears' brother. I sit at home all day smoking cigarettes.
Britney: Der, I forgot. Anyway, Kevin is out recording his rap album because that's his job now. He'll probably be there for like at least half an hour. Want to take a ride in his Ferrari that I paid for?
Bryan: Well, Jerry Springer is about to come on, but I'll go if you pay me $1,000.
Britney: I'll pick you up in five minutes.
Five minutes later.
Britney: Isn't this great Bryan? This car sure is nice! Now I see why Kevin loves it more than he loves me and his three kids.
Bryan: So, when do I get my money?
Britney: What the fuck? Why is the car stalling? I just gave Kevin $10,000 to take it into the shop.
Bryan: That motherfucker took your money.
Britney: God damn. Not again! Oh shit, here come the fucking parazzi. I'm going to call Kevin to come and rescue us.
Ring ring!
Kevin: Hello?
Britney: Hey, it's me.
Kevin: Tiffany?
Britney: No
Kevin: Jessica?
Britney: No
Kevin: Shoquonda?
Britney: No motherfucker, it's your wife.
Kevin: Oh! What's crackin' sugar mama?!
Britney: I was driving to the gas station to buy some more Cheetos and Newports, and your Ferrari broke down.
Kevin: Oh, snap! Is she ok, I mean, are you ok?
Britney: Yeah, I'm fine. Can you come get me?
Kevin: Yeah, wow, you know, I'd really like to, but I really need to make the rap album America has been waiting to hear. Plus I'm in the middle of having sex with a prostitute right now, and I already paid her so....
Britney: Oh Kevin, I love you.
Kevin: Right back at you. Oh, by the way, my checking account is looking a little low, could you hook a brother up?
Britney: You know I can't say no to you even though you're a worthless piece of shit.
Kevin: You're the best Britney!
Click.
Britney: Well, Bryan, Kevin is busy doing some really important stuff, so we're just going to have to get those Mexican paparazzi guys to help us out, then we can hitch a ride with the cops. Louisina style!
Bryan: Ok, cool. As long as I don't have to actually do anything. Also, do I still get my $1,000?

More pics after the jump.







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Jude Law and Sienna Miller over?

How did Sienna Miller manage to get dumped by a man with two kids who admitted to having an affair with his nanny and was caught in bed with her by his own children? How did she not keep the upper hand here? By being totally insane, apparently. A source told Britain's Sunday Mirror that Jude is fed up with Sienna's dramatic outbursts. Most recently they fought about Jude sharing a home with his ex-wife and mother of his children, Sadie Frost, while he shoots a movie in California. The former couple were growing closer recently and went on vacation together in Tanzania with their children. Sienna Miller might be batshit crazy, but she's got a point. One other thing, why are the British so weird? Who says stuff like this?

"She screamed and shouted, giving him the real hairdryer treatment."

What could the hairdryer treament possibly be? Was she blowing hot air? Was she adding volume to his hair?

"The family had an absolutely brilliant time in the jungle."

First of all, who goes on safari? Secondly, who calls it the jungle? Anyway, Sienna Miller has been looking a coked-out mess lately, and I think it's sad that a creep like Jude Law came out on top.
[Digital Spy]

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What is going on with Katie's baby bump?

Trent at Pink is the New Blog has always been suspicious of the varying size of Katie Holmes' baby bump. He has a point. In the very fist picture we saw of Katie after she and Tom Cruise announced she was pregnant, she was HUGE! Since then, depending on what she was wearing, her size seems to fluctuate quite a bit. It could all be a matter of how slimming her clothes are, but it is a little shady sometimes. Here is a timeline of her pregnancy development. Why is this whole thing so sketchy?

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Flavor of Love review

I promise to write a review for Flavor of Love today. Stay tuned, it will be worth it.

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Kevin Federline trying to make his own millions, part II

Ok, so let me start by saying, I'm kind of over the whole Federlame thing, so I'm going back to calling him by his proper name. I thought Federlame was funny at the time. I apologize.

Anyway, Kevin is on a campaign to prove he is a legitimate rapper. Despite the fact that he never found a record label for his album and had to pay for the release of PopoZao with his family fortune, he vows he will be a music success.

His reasoning is simple (no surprise): his music is real, so people are going to love it. Of course rap fans are aching to hear Kevin Federline's story of struggle from back-up dancer to kept man. All the receiving and taking away and getting back of Italian sports cars, all the trips to the ATM, all the abandoning your other two kids; that is what hits are made of.

[Entertainmentwise]

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