Flavor Flav is in the house in '06

Happy 2006 everyone! I hope you rang in the new year with the people you love, or at least some people you sort of like plus enough cocktails to make it not matter. For me, 2005 ended with the NY Giants clinching the NFC East, and 2006 began with some pretty awesome people I don't see as often as I'd like, and a 3 AM screening of pure Bollywood awesomeness.

VH1 kicked off the new year with a brand new Celebreality show starring America's favorite old school rap accessory, Flavor Flav, in his very own Bachelor-esque competition called "The Flavor of Love." If you have a strong enough stomach, I recommend watching this bad boy every week. In case you missed it, here are some highlights from the first episode:

We were introduced to the women who will compete for Flavor's heart. From what I can tell, VH1's selection process consisted of the producers getting a giant lobster net, driving through Newark and sweeping up the 20 girls who seemed most likely to pass a drug and/or AIDS test.

From the onset, Flavor set the skank standard by declaring that since remembering all of their names would be beyond his mental capacity, he would instead assign them nick names (all of which, by the way, he thought of himself on the spot, which I thought was impressive for a man whose creative streak ended in about 1991 and was replaced with straight out crazy) they will carry the entire time they are on the show. The names range from Picasso to New York to Pumkin (spelled as accurately as Flavor could manage).

One thing I can say about the contestants on this show is that they all seem to be pretty much equally matched in skankiness and their desire to be on television doing just about anything. Picasso, whose hobbies include painting, writing, and masturbating, wants to win Flavor's affection because he reminds her of her father - they are both loud and have gold teeth. Goldie described the competition as a ghetto prom. Oyster, who appears to be a professional dominatrix, says she is trying to set a world record for wearing red. She has worn red every day for six years. Flavor reacted by exclaiming, "That shit is crazy weird!" He said this while wearing an enormous clock around his neck, a Viking hat, and flashing a mouth full of gold teeth.

Anyway, Flavor eliminated five pretty forgettable skanks on this episode. It's unclear how many skanks will be eliminated on each of the future episodes. In Flavor's version of the Rose Ceremony, skanks who "know what time it is" receive a giant clock necklace and stay in the competition. Skanks whose "time has run out" get a one way Greyhound ticket back to Newark and maybe a departing boobie fondle from Flavor.

As I'm sure you can tell, this show is fucking platinum. Sunday nights at 10.