The mystery of Katie Holmes' baby bump

Look, guys, there is obviously something not quite kosher about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. All jokes about Scientology, and silent births, and paid beards, and mind control aside; it's all just very weird. Seriously.

So here is one man's theory on the "pregnancy":

I was listening to the radio this morning and tuned in mid-discussion to the morning DJs at my favorite station talking about Katie Homes' "pregnancy". Apparently they had talked to [someone who calls himself a "Hollywood insider"] that morning and had come to the conclusion that Katie was really pregnant by Chris Klein before she and Tom got together, but that Tom said that he was OK with raising the baby as his if she would play wife to him. They also concluded that she has already had the baby (evidenced by the loss of pregnancy weight around her face and ankles recently, and the fact that not many fathers would be as far away from a ready-to-pop mother as Tom is from Katie), and that she is wearing a prosthetic belly in order to both promote Tom's new movie best and to make the timeline right so that it looks like it really is Tom's and not Chris' (evidenced by the ever changing size/shape of Katie's belly).

You've got to admit this makes a lot of sense. First of all, it would explain why the size of her bump is always so sketchy - she and Tom were probably trying to throw us off. And also, remember those reports that she went to Ohio to give birth a few weeks ago...it's true that before that, her face was kind of puffy, and now it's not. I'm not a doctor or anything, but it makes sense to me. Hmmm.
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